Last week, I was privileged to hear Randy Gariss give a lecture on working with a team in ministry. Actually, I guess I was doubly privileged, because two of my professors scheduled him to teach, and it was the same lecture both times. This was a good thing, though, because the second time Randy said something that got me thinking (and I need all the help I can get with that these days). For those of you that don't know, Randy Garris is the preacher at College Heights Christian Church in Joplin, and only though I've only been to College Heights once, I always appreciate the times that I get to hear Randy speak. He definitely one of the wisest men I've come across. Anyways, what Randy said in our class was that today, we are masters of short-term, shallow relationships. He talked about how, a hundred years ago, a person would grow up living in a room (and maybe even sharing a bed) with his siblings, and he would have the same teacher all the way through high school, and there would be one coach for all the sports, and there would be one store in town. Now, however, we have constant relational turnover. If you don't like your teacher, you can get a new one the next semester. This is a symptom of the changes that have occurred in how we relate with one another. We've become experts at small talk and pleasantries, but we don't do so well in establishing enduring, deep relationships.
Randy said that we try to cover up our relational struggles with what he called "classy isolation." We decorate our isolation so that it doesn't look like isolation. Facebook may be a prime example. We spend more time delving into the "social world" of Facebook or other mediums instead of being engaged in flesh-and-blood relationship. And if you know me, you know that I use the word "we" there not just as a writing device, but because I'm probably the worst at this. It's so much easier (and safer) to interact with a typeface and a profile picture than with a person sitting across a table from you. And yet, we think that we are relationally rich when we don't know how to maintain an actual relationship. I can brag about having 574 Facebook friends, but the truth is that only a handful of them know me very well at all.
We want something greater, of course. We really do desire deep, lasting relationships. Last night I saw the new Harry Potter movie. At one point in the movie, things are going very badly, and everyone is depressed. Hermione is sitting by herself listening to the radio when Harry walks over, pulls her to her feet, and begins to dance with her. And while she's reluctant at first, before long they are dancing and smiling and laughing. I thought this scene was beautiful. For one thing, I too love to dance. For another, it was a great picture of the type of relationships we want. In the story, Harry and Hermione have been through an awful lot together, and they have a friendship that many of us long for. They know each other so well and they care and love for each other in a way that is anything but common.
Of course, this relationship is artificial. The scene is designed by a director and film crew. So we could dismiss it as an impossibility--just another glitzed up picture of what we wish for but that is too unrealistic to be attainable. And yet, I hope and believe that the fellowship we possess in Christ is greater than anything that even Hollywood can imagine. Such closeness and love is possible. In fact, in the church, it should be a common feature. At Sunday School this morning at Commerce, the class began reflecting on what it is like to lose a loved one. The congregation is mostly made up of older folks, and in my little class of seven people, four of them had lost a spouse. After they had shared for a while, one of the men, Bill, said, "You know, this isn't something we can talk about just anywhere. Not even with friends. This is the kind of thing that belongs in the church." The church should be where we can enjoy these deep relationships. The church should be where we can talk about our loved ones who have died. The church should be where we dance with each other in adversity. Our fellowship is incomplete when we relegate it only to talking about football at the coffee pot.
The stories of our lives are lacking something when we fail to develop these sorts of deep relationships. Any good epic story is about more than the task to be accomplished; it is about the relationships between the characters. These stories are about more than throwing the ring into the fire, defeating Voldemort, ending the White Witch's reign, blowing up the Death Star, or protecting the island. They are about Frodo and Sam; Harry, Ron, and Hermione; Lucy and Tumnus; Luke and Leia; Jack and Kate. While the tasks are what grab our interests, these relationships are what grab our hearts.
These relationships are forged in adversity. The reason these characters become so close and unceasingly loyal to one another is because they experience so much difficulty together. Maybe one reason that we have trouble developing such relationships is that we do not recognize any sense of adventure in our lives. We need to recapture a sense of "quest." When our lives are just about living comfortably in gated communities and going to work everyday so that we can stay healthy and buy IPod apps, we don't really need other people. We can do that pretty well ourselves. But when we remember that we are in a lifelong struggle "against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms," we realize that we can't do it by ourselves. We need one another because we are fighting an enemy much more real than Voldemort, and we are involved in an epic story that makes all other stories seem soft. So let's put away our classy isolation, and let's dance.
When I started writing this post, I had planned to call out all of you other bloggers, because of the blogs on my sidebar, the only one that had been updated in the past month was Charlie's. However, just a little bit ago, Caitlyn updated hers. But for all the rest of you: write something! Also, I added a couple new links to the side, so be sure to check those out.
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