I enjoy living in the United States. I don't mind criticizing our nation from time to time, but for the most part, I realize that I am very fortunate to live where I do. Not everyone in the world has all of the resources and privileges that I do because of my national status. Of course, one of the best thing about life in America is that I am a citizen of a democracy, and we function under the principle that all people are created equal. Yesterday, however, I experienced a case in which this principle is not applied very well. I flew from Kansas City to Portland, and I believe that there may not be anything that makes me feel less valued as a human than commercial airlines. After I had gone through security and had been waiting at the gate for a while, one of the airline employees came on the intercom and said something like this:
"In just a moment we will begin boarding United flight 293 for Portland. We will begin by boarding all of our first-class passengers, as well as members of our Premium Gold Star Good-Looking Club, who may walk on this red carpet while we shower them with rose petals. Once these passengers are on board, all of you bed-wetters may take your seats in coach."
Once I got on the plane, I had to walk past all of these first-class passengers, looking smug in their recliners and sipping their drinks from their real glasses instead of the disposable plastic cups. They think they're so high and mighty. After all of us lower-class passengers get seated, they pull a curtain to separate first-class from coach so that all of those in the front of the plane don't have to look at our pimply faces. It's humiliating. As I sat uncomfortable with my arms crossed across my chest because the person next to me was using the armrest, I came to the sad realization that I am just another worthless member of the proletariat, fated to spend my days shining the shoes of "The Man."
The flight was not all bad, though, because I spent the time learning practical dating tips from J.R.R. Tolkein's The Return of the King, which is the third and final book of The Lord of the Rings. Here's what I learned: first, everyone in Middle-Earth talks with such class. They use the word "shall", and they give each other all sorts of names and titles, and they don't sound like a bumbling idiot like me. For example, I just opened up the book to this gem: "But Imrahil said: ' So victory is shorn of gladness, and it is bitter bought, if both Gondor and Rohan are in one day bereft of their lords. Eomer rules the Rohirrim. Who shall rule the City meanwhile? Shall we not send now for the Lord Aragorn?'" I've never said such a fine sentence in my entire life. If I start using the word "bereft" more often, I know the ladies will be lining up to listen to what might come out of my mouth next.
Second, at the end of the book, the hobbits return to their homes in the Shire. Sam has his eye on this she-hobbit Rosie, and while Rosie is near, Sam's gaffer asks Frodo how Sam did on their journey. Then it says this:
"Perfrect satisfaction, Mr. Gamgee," said Frodo. "Indeed, if you will believe it, he's now one of the most famous people in all the lands, and they are making songs about his deeds from here to the Sea and beyond the Great River." Sam blushed, but he looked gratefuly at Frodo, for Rosie's eyes were shining and she was smiling at him.The lesson? If you want girls to like you, all you have to do is return successfully from a death-defying quest to save the world.
Ain't no thang.
1 comment:
I thought you were going to talk about Classroom struggles because I know you struggle mightily in that area. What is your death-defying journey going to be? Going to Alumni's open house?
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