I am writing this on Sunday night, and on Monday morning I will leave my home in Topeka to move to Cincinnati, where I will begin seminary in a few weeks. The U-Haul truck that we rented is all packed up in our driveway. Since my bed is already in the truck, tonight I am sleeping in our spare bedroom, and that's where I am as I'm writing this. It's funny to me, because when we first moved to Kansas, this was my room the first couple years that we lived in this house. It looks like I've ended up right back where I began. Except there are a lot more cat decorations in here now.
The past few days, I have spent a lot of time packing and getting ready to move. It's been a pretty big undertaking, and unfortunately for my parents, I didn't get my room cleaned up as much as I had hoped. There's something you need to understand about my bedroom. Most of it has gone untouched for years. Seriously, there are things in my room that have done nothing but collect dust since before I left for college five years ago. So needless to say, there was a lot of junk in my room, and it took a long time to dig through everything and figure out what I need to take with me, what needs to be thrown away, and what might need to be stored. It makes me wish that I never have to move again, but then I remember that I'll probably run out of money in a few months and have to move back in with my parents.
All of this cleaning and rummaging and packing has been an interesting experience, because it feels as though I am in a place of transition between my past and my future. One the one hand, I am about to embark on a new experience. It'll be my first time living on my own, and I can look forward to learning how to cook and making new friends (or maybe, I can just look forward to eating ramen noodles and being scared to even leave my apartment). On other other hand, as I have been sorting through all my possessions, I have been reminded of where I have already been. I've looked through old yearbooks and stacks of pictures and notebooks. I've found some pretty cool stuff, like this old picture of me and Jon Foreman, the frontman of Switchfoot, when I was in fifth grade or so. Switchfoot was my favorite band then, and they're still my favorite band now. Part of the reason I am who I am now is because when I was just a kid, I heard the song "Chem 6A" and convinced my parents to get me the Switchfoot album on cassette tape. My past has shaped my current character, and it will continue to do so as I move on in life. While I have been packing and have been reminded of my past likes and past events, I have been able to reflect on who I have become and where I am going.A couple years ago, I went on Ozark's "Spiritual Formation Retreat," which was one of the best things I did in my time in college (isn't it weird that I can say that now?). One of the activities we did at the retreat was to take a few hours and just think about how the story of our lives had gone up to that point. This was probably my favorite thing we did all week. It really helped to sit down for a while and focus on my life, reflecting on how events and relationships throughout my life--both good and bad--have molded me into a unique individual who can be used by God in special ways. Losing loved ones at an early age has shaped me. Becoming friends with this kid Charlie in my Sunday School in elementary school has shaped me. Getting up on stage and sharing my testimony with the rest of the youth group when I was in seventh grade has shaped me. Being given a copy of Blue Like Jazz by my sister for my 18th birthday has shaped me. Striking out with girls in college has shaped me. Choosing to spend a summer in Oregon has shaped me. We all have experiences and stories and , and even things that seem insignificant at the time chisel away at our characters, constantly determining the people that we are.
It's important for us to reflect on these things, because by doing so, we prepare for our futures. My friend Kelsie is one of the smartest and wisest people I know, and when I was a freshman at Ozark, she graduated as the saluditorian. In her graduation speech, she talked about the book of Deuteronomy, about how before Israel entered the promised land, Moses reminded them of where they had been. He rehearsed their story, and he reminded them about the law that God had laid down for them. It was necessary for the Israelites to keep all of this in mind as they entered a new chapter of the nation's story. The line of Kelsie's speech that I remember was her last: "Reflections on our past will shape our future." That's good advice, I think--especially when entering a new stage of life. We have to remember where we've been if we're going to have a good grasp of where we're going.
When people move away from home, they often call it "leaving the nest." I guess this can be either encouraging or terrifying, depending on the outcome. Because when some baby birds leave the nest, while they might falter at first, they begin to flap their wings and soar to new heights. Other birds, however, just crash to the ground below and are left to die.
I hope I'm more like the first bird.
2 comments:
I remember when you got up and told your testimony in 7th grade. It was awesome! I still remember the seniors in high school talking about how good you were at speaking. I knew from that point on...I was going to envy your speaking skills. Envy your fashion? No. Envy your looks? Never. Envy your intelligence? Always.
Speaking as a couple of old buzzards with a few miles under our wings, we know you'll soar. Remember to challenge the headwinds, enjoy the tailwinds, and rejoice through both!!
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