The D-Heff Show

If you're anything like me, sometimes you watch a TV show and think, "Man, it would be pretty awesome to be a character on that show." That's the appeal of television, of course. All of these shows portray an imaginative image of life. Even what we call "reality shows" are anything but real. No matter how much you might want it to be so, the truth is that real life just isn't like your favorite sitcom. Here's a few ways in which this is true:

1. Real conversations aren't full of memorable witticisms

I think a good sense of humor is one of the most important qualities a person can have. I like to be around funny people, and I hope that at least on occasion, people find me humorous as well. But no matter how funny your friends and you might be, you're not funny all the time. But that's not how it is in a sitcom. In a sitcom, a conversation consists of perfectly timed puns and wisecracks. Awkward smalltalk doesn't exist in a sitcom. No one wants to watch a group of friends sitting around a table and talking about how there's construction on I-75 or about how it's been an unusually warm weekend for October. But in reality, such conversations are common. You have to talk about such mundane things sometimes because, well, sometimes there just isn't much else to say. Every other sentence can't be a clever joke. Which leads to the second point:

2. Sometimes you'll say something you think is funny, and no one will laugh

We've all been there before. You're at dinner with friends, and you formulate some quip in your head that you just know is the most hilarious thing that has ever been uttered in human speech. In your head, it's amazing. But once it leaves your mouth, you realize that it's not funny at all. It's moronic, in fact. It doesn't even make sense. And instead of standing and taking a bow to the uproarious, you sit in shame as everyone gives you an uneasy glance and continues with their conversation as if you had said nothing. Of course, an even more embarrassing situation is when no one laughs at your joke except you. You don't want to be the guy who laughs at his own corny jokes. On a sitcom, though, this isn't a problem. After any moment that is intended to be funny, the laughtrack gives its approval. Wouldn't it be nice if real life came with a laughtrack? Maybe I should keep a speaker in my back pocket so that whenever I say something no one laugh at, I can hit a button and receive that immediate affirmation of a kind laugh. It would be a real ego-booster.

3. You have responsibilities and a job

Now, most characters in a sitcom also have a job. But have you ever noticed how rarely they are actually there? (Not including shows like The Office, of course). Sitcoms don't show their characters are work, sitting in a cubicle pushing paper all day. The people in sitcoms are always hanging out in apartments or bars or going on roadtrips. They're never too busy. They don't spend their evenings going to meetings or taking kids to soccer practice or going grocery shopping. They spend them sitting around with their friends or getting into zany predicaments. But that's not what your life is like. You get up at 6:30, go to work all day, and when you get home you're too tired to do much besides sit around and watch a sitcom. Then the next day, you do something similar. You don't have time to spend five nights a week just hanging out with friends. But for a sitcom character, it really doesn't matter much how much time is spent at work. And yet....

4. You don't have unlimited cash flow

For rarely going to work, it seems like very few sitcom characters have major money problems. When one character says, "Hey, let's all go out for a drink," you never hear another character say, "You guys go ahead. I'd better sit this one out. I only make minimum wage, and I haven't paid my electric bill yet this month." I guess old show The Honeymooners would be an exception to this rule, but that's an exception. For the most part, sitcom characters have no worry about finances, and they all live in trendy apartments with a large main room so that all the other characters can come over for parties and the camera can still fit everyone in. They never live in little one-bedroom jobs with absolutely nothing on the walls like I have. 

5. Real world problems can't all be solved in 22 minutes

This is the typical format of a sitcom episode: some situation arises (a crazy inlaw is coming over for Christmas, one character's favorite restaurant is closing, or Cory and Topanga's relationship is on the rocks), then the characters spend the episode trying out futile (yet comical) methods for solving the problem, and in the end everything works out. All of this is contained in a nifty half-hour slot, so that after watching, you are able to go on with your day stress-free. But that's not how real life is. Real life is complicated. Some situations are complex. Your spat with a significant other might last for days, or even weeks. Your jerk boss might continue to be a jerk as long as you work there. Real problems don't all have a definable beginning, middle, and end, all with a snazzy bow on top. Life is messy, and its problems don't all come with commercial breaks so you can go use the restroom before having to deal with it again. Sometimes you just have to hold it.

What are some other ways that life isn't like a sitcom?