This is my fifth New Year's Eve post that I've written since I started this blog in 2008, and this post has always been one to which I've looked forward. At the end of every year, I've always liked to look back at the previous 12 months, pick out a few key moments, post a few of the rare pictures in which I'm not drooling or something, and put a cap on the year.
I could write do something similar this year, but the truth is that I don't have all that much to say about 2012. To be honest, I feel it wasn't an especially eventful year for me. I suppose there were a few significant times. Some were good: I was ordained on New Year's Day; I started preaching at a church in Germantown, Kentucky; I took a trip to Maryland for a friend's wedding; I gained a couple nephews; I forged some new friendships; I watched The Wonder Years; I found my watch under my couch after I thought I had lost it; and they opened a Qdoba in my part of town . Some parts were not so good: I made mistakes; I lost some friendships; I stressed out a lot and had a lot of late nights writing papers; and I generally became even more cynical than I was a year ago.
I tend to become especially reflective at the end of December. I think back over the year and ask, "Am I a different person now than I was in January?" The answer ought to be "Yes", I think. We are designed to continually develop and change as we get older. But when I think about 2012, I think my answer would have to be "No." I haven't changed very much, and not many thing about my life, my daily activities, or my setting have changed either.
Oh wait. Let me amend that. I did get a peacoat and a scarf. So that's new.
Maybe my struggle comes in part because I've been approaching New Year's wrong all these years. I've always used it as a reason to look back at what has happened and to remember the year with fondness. And looking back may be alright, but it's only really useful when it's paired with a glance forward. Since moving to Cincinnati a year and a half ago, I've become increasingly nostalgic. I'm always thinking about how great things used to be and who I used to be, and I try to figure out how I can recapture the elements that made my past great. But when you go through life with that sort of approach, you cease moving forward. You can't run ahead of you if you're gaze is always fixed behind you.
When you begin each year looking back but not forward, you can't expect to progress over the next twelve months. You'll stay the same. Over the past few years, I've seen my friends and peers maturing, getting married, starting families, beginning exciting new ventures. And I've eaten a lot of frozen pizzas and worn the same sweatpants almost every day.
The past has value, and it's important from time to time to look back at it. But it's only useful when it propels you forward. You are born out of your past, but you're aren't defined by it. The future holds possibility, and we are reminded of that each January 1st. I'm not forced to stay as I am. In fact, I'm built to do the opposite. I'm built to grow and change and develop.
I don't know what 2012 has meant for you. I really do hope that it was a banner year for you and that it's one full of good memories and cheerful moments. But maybe, like me, you're ready for something new. The good news is that new things are possible. That's true each day of the year, I guess, but we feel it most fully as that ball in Times Square drops.
In any case, I really ought to wash these sweatpants sometime. Maybe I'll make that Resolution #1.
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