Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'm a Big Kid Now

It's been almost two months since I moved to Cincinnati, Ohio to begin my life as an adult. Since then, there have been many ham sandwiches eaten, many wrong turns while driving, and many beds wet. Today I thought that I would share with you all a few of the lessons that I have learned from the experience so far:

1. Independence is overrated
Usually sometime during one's high school years, he begins to develop an itch to get out on his own. He believes that he doesn't need anyone else and that he can take care of himself, thankyouverymuch. So he anxiously counts down the days until he is free from his parent's care and lives in his own apartment.

That kid is wrong.

Living the adult life isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when compared to simpler days. Being an adult brings with it a million added responsibilities, and dealing with those responsibilities requires time, money, and energy. You quickly begin to miss the days when someone else would cook your dinner and clean your bathroom and do your laundry. Independent living isn't all late-night parties and pretty girls coming over to play gin rummy with you. So if you still live at home, or if you live in a college dorm or something like that, don't take it for granted, and stay there as long as you can. You might want to consider building a secret nest in the attic or air duct system so that you can start living there before they kick you out.

2. Everyone wants your money
When I was growing up, my dad would always tell me, "Nothing is free." And he was right. When you're out on your own, people assume that you have some money, and everyone wants a piece of it. I don't know how many "deposits"  I have had to pay to different companies since I've been here: deposits for my apartment, deposits to the energy company, deposits to the water company, deposits to the guy that sits outside and threatens to throw eggs at my car unless I pay up. I feel like a pile of birdseed, and one by one birds fly down and take a few bites out of me.

3. You can live twenty feet from people and not know them
The student body at my college was the greatest community I have ever been a part of. It was easy to get to know people. I lived on a dorm floor with twenty other guys, and even though I wasn't the best of friends with all of them, we at least knew each other and could hang out. And we would be in classes together and eat together and play basketball together. When you live in an apartment, however, it's completely different. You might think that it would be sort of similar, but that's not the case at all.

There are eight apartments in my building, and they are all packed pretty closely to each other. From my door, I am only a few steps from each of the other apartments. But even so, in the last two months I have seen only three of my neighbors. I know more people than that live here, but I have never even laid eyes on most of them. Even the ones I have met, I see rarely. There is one woman that I met when I moved in, and sometimes I see her outside with her dogs, but that's it. Then there is a guy that I met while doing laundry my second week here, but I haven't seen him since. And there is a woman in the apartment next to me who I met when she was moving in a few weeks ago, but once again, that's the last I've seen of her.

An apartment building isn't like a dorm because people do not leave their doors hanging open while they're home. They walk in, unlock their door, go inside, and lock it behind them. And it would be a little awkward for me to go knocking on each door saying, "Hello there!" So really the only way to meet neighbors is to happen to be coming home or leaving at the same time as them.

I'm saying all of this to simply point out that density of people does not mean that relationships happen. It is possible for a person to live in the middle of a crowded city and to still be isolated.

4. Women don't get masters degrees in Biblical Studies
Last year my roommate was taking a class called "Principles of Family Living." In that class, he had to read a book about Christian marriage. One night, right before I went to bed, he read me an excerpt from that book. In essence, it said that a Christian college is the best place for a believer to find a spouse, and that if you graduate such a college without having done so, you're basically out of luck for the rest of your life. Not a very pleasant thought to have rolling around in your head as you try to go to sleep.

Sadly, the book seems to have been right in some respects. Seminary is a different type of thing than Bible college. Bible colleges are full of nice single girls who are there for a variety of reasons. But they don't often go to seminary and pay tons of money to study Bible, knowing that it's hard enough to find a ministry in a church as it is. The result? My classes are basically all filled with guys. And I don't even have a pretty bankteller to go hit on anymore.

5. Things work out
So far, this post has been a bit of a downer. I apologize for that. And this last point is not necessarily a lesson I have learned in the last two months. It's more of a lesson I have learned from past experiences, as well as a trust that it will prove true in the present one as well. Things work out. Sometimes life seems difficult, and you have little money, few friends, and no opportunity to use the pick-up lines you've been developing for months. But it often just takes time. Going to a new place is never easy, and at first you might want to turn around and go back to where you came from. But after some time, you adjust and begin to build a new life. That's part of growing up, I suppose. So don't shrink away from the unknown future or new situations. Hang in there for the tough parts so that you can get to the goodness on the other side.

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