The Fear of What Ifs

Whenever you make a decision, you say, "No."

Maybe you've never thought of it on those terms before. It might be more common to think that whenever you make a decision, you say "Yes" to whatever it is you're choosing. But the flip-side of that is that you also say "No" to whatever it is you're not choosing. Every yes is balanced with a no, or with many of them.

A few examples might help illustrate what I mean. Imagine that you choose to marry a certain woman, say a your local, friendly bank teller. By saying "Yes" to marrying her, you're saying "No" to all the other pretty bank tellers, as well as to all the other women out there. Or, if you accept a new job, you say "Yes" to that position and "No" to others. If you have Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, you say "Yes" to that cereal and "No" to the Wheaties, toast, omelette, and leftover pizza.

I'm not always a great decision-maker, and reflection on that fact has led me to think through all of this. Whenever I'm faced with a difficult decision, my strategy is usually to put it off for as long as possible. If I push it off for long enough, maybe the whole issue will just disappear. And if I do this, I'm sure that others do as well.

This can be a major problem, because every moment of decision becomes associated with the "What If?" game. I can go to Wendy's for dinner, but what if I would have like Arby's better? I can wear this blue shirt, but what if that bank teller likes red shirts? I can take the interstate downtown, but what if there's traffic and another route would be quicker?

Those example are pretty immaterial, of course. And so all of us make those sorts of decisions without much thought. If you choose wrong about what you should have for breakfast, the consequences aren't very large or lasting.

But what about when it comes to larger decisions? This is where the problem arises. I can decide to live in one place, but what if I would have liked another location better? I could take this job, but what if a better job comes up next week? I could date this girl, but what if there's someone else out there that I would mesh with better? I could choose this college, but what if I would have received a better education elsewhere?

This is decision-making based on fear. A person can hesitate to take a step in any direction for fear of going in the wrong direction. And while fear can be a powerful motivation in life, it's not a very helpful one--especially when that fear is debilitating. We shouldn't let fear of the "What ifs" be something that keeps us from taking leaps and moving forward.

People like me want so badly to choose the absolute best, but sadly, this can lead to not really choosing anything at all. And then once a decision is made, it leads to a lot of self-doubt and second-guessing. And I don't think that's the way life was meant to be. Fear choosing wrongly shouldn't keep one from choosing at all.

And besides, the Arby's/Wendy's debate is a moot point. Everyone knows you should just go to Chick-fil-A.