Living Well While Living Alone

It's been almost two years since I moved out of my parents' basement and settled into my own apartment in Cincinnati to begin my life as an "adult" (which, I'm realizing, is a very relative term). After 23 years of either living in a suburban house with my family or living in a college dorm with a hundred other guys, I found myself in solitude.

To be perfectly honest, these past two years have been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. I think that many people think that, because I'm rather quiet and am not very outgoing, I desire to be a withdrawn hermit with no contact with the outside world. But that's not true at all. I like people, and I like being around them, even. Living alone in my 500-square-foot apartment has been a challenge.

I imagine that some of you out there also live alone, or you have at one point or another in your life. I've been thinking recently about how living alone does not need to be a negative stage of life. It can feel that way a lot of the time--as though my life has been put on pause until "real" life begins. But I do believe that living alone can be a time to grow and thrive if you put the work in to make it that way.

So I thought I would share a few of my thoughts here. Keep in mind, these words may reflect my own personality more than universal principles. These are things I believe are useful to me in this time while I live on my own. For you, it could be different, and if so, leave a comment and add to the discussion. I'm always down for hearing different perspectives. I should also note that what I have written here doesn't mean I have actually done any of these things especially well. I write here to encourage myself as well as others.

In any case, here a few ways that I believe one can live alone well:

1. Keep a routine

When you live alone, I think it can be easy to let your normal schedule just fall to pieces. While a person with a wife and kids and minivan has a lot of limitations on their schedules, you have much more flexibility. With that situation, I found early on that my "default mode" was to slip into complete irregularity. Some nights I would stay up until 3 a.m. watching movies and then sleep till noon. Another night I might hit the hay at 11:00 and get up at 6:00. I may eat dinner at 6:00 or at 9:00. There was no routine--no consistency.

I don't think that was a healthy way for me to live, so I have been working to build more structure into my day-to-day life. I'm trying to get up at approximately the same time each day and going through a consistent morning routine, and then going to bed at the same time each night. This gives me much more of a sense of balance to my life, and helps me feel much more "with it"--physically, emotionally, relationally, and even spiritually.

Granted, you may be in a situation where total consistency is impossible because of a crazy work schedule or other responsibilities. That's the situation I was in for my first 18 months in Cincinnati. If that is the case, I still think it's good to build routine in whatever areas of your schedule you do have control over. This can help give a more sturdy foundation for the flexible areas over which you don't have much control.

2. Do what you love

Not long ago, I sat down and thought, "What are my favorite activities to do? What are the things that I could do forever and not get tired of?" I narrowed it down to four: (1) bowling, (2) playing basketball, (3) playing Nertz (a card game, for those of you who aren't familiar with it), and (4) playing ping-pong. It may seem like a rather goofy list, but these are the things I love to do.

Then I thought about what my life has looked like since I moved to Cincinnati. In that time, I haven't touched a ping-pong paddle. I've played one game of Nertz. I have gone bowling maybe five times, and I've shot baskets four or five times.

So what have I been doing with my time? Well, I watch a lot of movies. I surf the Internet. I watch reruns of TV shows. I eat a lot of fast food.

That doesn't seem like it's how it should be. Granted, I like watching movies, and I really like eating Chick-fil-A and Wendy's. But those aren't the things I love doing. While I can't really explain why, I had neglected my favorite activities in order to be merely entertained. Maybe those of us who don't like living alone do this just to pass the time until a new stage of life begins, just like you go to bed early on Christmas Eve so that Christmas morning will seem to come faster. But I don't want my three years in Cincinnati to just be a dream. I want it to be a period of life which I can enjoy, in which I can thrive.

Do you love to play the guitar? Then pull it out of its case and start strumming. Do you love to scrapbook? Get your glue and scissors out of the box in your closet. Do you love reading? Get to the library. Do you love to bake? Then get to it, and then mail your creations to me.

The other day I went to a gym at my university and spent about 90 minutes just shooting baskets. It was the first time I had shot on a real gym floor since I graduated college. And while my already meager skills had diminished to non-existence, the experience was so refreshing.

3. Find ways to get our of your apartment

When you live alone, sometimes it can feel like you've got nowhere to be, so you might as well just stay at home on the couch. But I've found it helpful to find reasons to get out into the world outside my front door. The easy thing to do is to just stay home. But the more rewarding thing to do, I think, is to go someplace else.

I work right across the Ohio River from downtown Cincinnati. Once every week or two, once I get off in the early afternoon, I walk across one of the bridges into Cincinnati. I find a place to eat lunch, and then I go to a little park and spend a couple hours reading. I watch all the business professionals bustle around to their meetings--the women in their skirts and heals, and the men in their ties and suit jackets, all with fancy leather portfolios in hand. I listen to the church bells chime at the top of every hour.

I could read in my apartment, and frequently that at first seems more appealing than taking the long walk across the bridge. But chances are I would get distracted by Netflix and then fall asleep on my couch. And that's not living well.

4. Develop a more serious prayer life

I've always been interested in the ascetic and monastic life that has been common throughout church history. I've been influenced greatly by Brother Lawrence's Practicing the Presence of God, and I'm currently reading a chapter of Thomas a Kempis' The Imitation of Christ each morning. Something that these monastics have understood is the value of solitude. To them, life alone really wasn't life alone at all, because it was a chance to commune with God.

In my time in Cincinnati, I have been working on developing a more robust prayer life. I'm nowhere near where I should be, but I hope that I am maturing. When you're in college, for example, it can be hard to find any time or space to yourself to spend in prayer. Even at a Christian college like the one I attended, you feel a little silly when someone busts into your dorm room while you're sitting with your head bowed. But when you live alone, you have all the time and space you could ask for.

One of my goals has been to pray for people I know in more specific ways. When you live alone, it's easy to feel disconnected from people. But when you're praying by name for others, and they are praying for you--is there really a way to be more connected? Connection with God through prayer, and connection with the church through mutual intercession. Living alone provides a unique opportunity for the development of such a life.

What do you think? If you live alone, or you have in the past, what are ways you've found to do so in a positive way? What are the potential hazards to living alone?