Timing Is Everything

"No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (Jas. 3:8).

I think many people can identify with James' sentiment. Self-control is a virtue, but one of the areas of life most difficult to control is one's speech. James explains that we have the ability to reign in wild animals, but often can't reign in our own words.

Recently I preached a sermon series from the book of Proverbs. Proverbs, of course, is all about fostering wisdom in the life of the reader, so in the series, the congregation looked at how we can be wise in different spheres of life. What's it mean to be wise with regard to our families? What's it look like to be wise at work? These are major themes in Proverbs. Another theme is one's words. How does a person speak wisely? We took a good look at what Proverbs says on the topic.

As I was studying the various proverbs that mention the tongue during that week before the sermon, I had to try to synthesize them into an idea that listeners could take home with them. What came to the surface in my study was this: Wisdom in your words means to say the right thing at the right time.

It's difficult to say the right thing. But I think most people understand the concept. We know we ought to speak truth rather than lies. We know we ought to be encouraging rather than critical. We know we ought to bless rather than curse. We know we ought to speak kindly rather than cruelly. Proverbs 12:18 says that rash words are like wounds from a sword, while a wise person's words bring healing. To say the right thing is to say what brings healing rather than pain, what builds up rather than tears down.

But wisdom in words doesn't stop there. Wisdom is to say the right thing at the right time. And the more I have thought about it since I preached it, the more convinced I am that this is even more difficult. You can say something that is completely true and honest--something that could be helpful at a certain moment--but when spoken at the wrong time, it does great damage. The wise person knows that there is a time to speak, but that there is also a time to stay silent.

Proverbs 15:23 says, "To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!" The words we speak ought to be spoken in season. At the right time. Wisdom means not saying whatever you're thinking all the time. "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge" (Prov. 17:27).

Contemporary culture doesn't help us in this. We live in a world where, as soon as a thought enters your mind, you have the power not only speak it to the person next to you, but to broadcast it all over the world with your laptop or smartphone. In our desire to be heard (and as added bonuses: liked, favorited, retweeted, or replied to), we can say or type words without thinking about the effect they will have on others, or even on ourselves in the long run.

Another problem is that our culture is one that in some ways celebrates those who speak without restraint. We look up to people who speak their mind and who wear their hearts on their sleeves. It seems like such an honest thing--to say what you want to say without caring about what others think. We call it "genuineness" and "authenticity"--two of the greatest virtues in our contemporary culture. But Proverbs just calls it foolishness.

It's easy to spout off words without thinking of consequences. It's much harder to be silent. The truth is that in some cases, you may find yourself in a position where the time never comes to speak a certain thought on your heart and mind. Sometimes it's just best to keep it to yourself. And I think the person of wisdom learns to be okay with that.

(I should mention, in an absurdly insufficient side note, saying the right thing at the right time doesn't just mean being silent. It also means speaking when you ought to speak. I can think of plenty of times that I have been silent when I shouldn't have, in addition to times I have spoken when I shouldn't).

I have a friend named James that I went to college with. James is someone that I would describe as a person of wisdom. You can almost sense it just from being around him. And James isn't someone who speaks a lot. While others guys might go back and forth discussing a topic, he would sit back and listen. Then when he had listened and thought for a moment, he would speak. When he did, others would listen, because they cared about what he had to say.

When I think about wisdom with words--saying the right thing at the right time--I think about my friend James. That's the kind of person I want to grow to be. I don't imagine it's easy, and I'm certainly not very good at it yet.

So until I learn to tame my tongue, I might as well get back to my career as a horse-whisperer who tames wild stallions. We all have to make a living somehow.