Where the Story's Going

Every once in a while, there is day during which I decide to write a blog post about our lives being stories that we create, following some of the things Donald Miller writes in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Today is one of those days. In the book, Miller defines a good story as one in which there is "a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it."

I have been thinking about this definition of a story for the past few days and trying to see how my life might fit into it. Does my life right now reflect such a story-structure?

The answer I arrived at was simply "No." I haven't been overcoming conflict to get something I want. Truth be known, I haven't really done much of anything for the last two months. Here's how a typical week has looked for me: I go to class Mondays and Tuesdays, and then the rest of the week I sleep in, sit around my apartment all day, stay up late on Facebook and Youtube, and then go to bed, only to repeat the cycle the next day. There is no progress in that kind of existence. Good stories aren't about people that just hang out engaged in random trivialities with no purpose in mind (except for maybe The Catcher in the Rye,  but that's unique).

After thinking about it for a while, I began to see that a large part of my problem is that I haven't even established the first part of a story's definition for myself: "a character who wants something." I've had to stop and ask myself, "What do I want? Do I even know?" Those are questions I hadn't paused to reflect on for a long time, but they are questions that need asking. If you don't know what you want, then you don't know how you should be spending your time to get there. If you don't want anything, then it's acceptable to spend your days in any way you please, because nothing gets you any closer to or farther from your nonexistent goal. With an undefined goal, it's okay for the day's activities to be an amorphous blob of random peddling. But if you're life is going to be a  good story, it's necessary to first figure out what you want.

A qualification may be needed here. Wanting something and overcoming conflict to get it isn't all that makes a good story. Some wants are better than others. If, while considering the question "What do I want?" you decide what you want is a sweet car or to be the most attractive guy in town or to live in a gated community, then it may be that you need to reexamine what you want, because while those might make a story, they don't make a very meaningful one.

As I was thinking about how this all works in my life, I decided to tweak the question a little bit and to ask myself, "Who do I want to be?" In a good story, the character develops. He changes. At the end of the story, he isn't quite the same as he was at the beginning. This is the difference between a round character and a flat one. So the other day, I blocked off some time and sat down with a pad of paper. I really thought about this and began to write down ideas. Then, when I had established a list of who I want to be, I wrote down ideas for each point, concerning how I can begin to achieve those goals. Here's some examples of what I came up with:

I want to be a good preacher. Which means I should listen to a few sermons a week from preachers I admire. I should do a better job of cataloging illustration ideas I come across. And I should pray! (E.M. Bounds: "Air is not more necessary to the lungs than prayer is to the preacher." I love that guy.)

I want to be a critical thinker. Which means I read more, zone out in front of my computer less, and blog regularly.

I want to be socially engaging. Which means I talk to people I don't know, contribute to conversations if I have something worth saying, and try to get over my feeling that I am always out of place.

I want to be a responsible and productive person. Which means I make myself get out of bed at a decent time instead of sleeping in as late as I want. I clean my apartment every weekend. I stick to my financial budget. I put my dishes in the dishwasher before going to bed and take out the garbage instead of piling it up like Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout. 

I want to not be single anymore. Which means I work on my dance moves and start saving up money for a tattoo.

 Intentionally taking time and making this list was one of the most helpful exercises I have done in a while, and I encourage you to make your own list. Just think, "Who do I want to be? What am I not now that I want to be in the future?" Once you know that, you can start developing a plan to make it happen. You can look at each quality you want to develop and figure out how to get there. All of a sudden, the way you use your time and energy begins to take shape.

On their new album (which comes out next week!), Switchfoot has a song called "Thrive." Here's some of the lyrics, and I think they go well with what I have been thinking in all of this: No, I'm not alright / I know that I'm not right / A steering wheel doesn't mean you can drive / A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive / No, I'm not alright / I know that I'm not right / Feel like I travel but I never arrive / I wanna thrive, not just survive


Now when I go to bed, I can think, "Did the things I did today move me toward the person I want to be?" The hope is that I am able to answer that question in the affirmative more and more as time goes by. Then my life might start looking less like mere existence and more like a story. Less like surviving and more like thriving.

So what are some of things that would be on your list? Who do you want to be? Leave a comment; you might help give others some good ideas!